Would you like to be a magnet for joy, abundance and expansion?
Last night, I was invited to join some friends at a café that has recently been turned into a dinner venue for the evening. As I walked from my car, there was a part of me that felt shy to enter a full room of people, and join a table of mostly recent couples, some whom I didn't know well, and who had already eaten. I put those thoughts aside and stepped in with confidence - I think - joined the table, ordered my meal, and engaged in both deep conversation and witty banter with those in the group. A woman - significantly older than me - slender and elegantly dressed, with dark hair and lipstick - someone I had thought looked very glamorous, was eager to know where she had previously met me. When we left, she hugged me, and said how happy she had been to see me again. She said she had always thought I was so glamorous, with my lipstick and glasses.
A few weeks ago, I was rehearsing for a Mother's Day house concert on the island. I had been invited as guest artist by a professional oboist who lives here. We crafted the concept and the program for the concert together, and she played the piano for me. We were talking about women being afraid to take up space. I mentioned Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth, where I had first read about the desire of women to be as invisible as possible. She told me that in order for her high-level students to obtain work as musicians, she had to teach them to ''play like a man'' - to play full out, with no apology, despite potentially compromising their sensitivity as artists. She said there was a phrase for this, that professional musicians used - ''laying it down''. Despite being a musician of sorts for most of my life, I hadn't heard this phrase.
At an afternoon tea this week, we were talking about the ''tall poppy syndrome'' that we experience in Australia. My friends had witnessed me step into my performance self during the Mother's Day concert. I wore a lovely dress and my shiny heels, and according to my friends, I ''owned it'' and I was ''hot''. I explained why this was necessary in that context, and why I would like to assist in breaking down the ''tall poppy syndrome'' to make way for people to express their creativity. As with the Eisteddfod, earlier in the year, I put the projections and advice of well-meaning others aside, opted not to focus on why I was doing it and who I was doing it for, and chose to simply do what I do - which is to inhabit the character and tell the story of each song to the best of my ability, in my way, with sincerity, and I hope, humility. Since then, I am somewhat famous on the island - people in the audience who I had not met before, smile, wave and say hello. They want to know what I do and about the next step in my ''career''.
Although it's fun to be noticed and recognised for my singing and for my lipstick, and for my overall persona, a magnetic presence is not created through a defined formula, but through our authenticity. It is about ''owning'' our gifts as well as our so-called flaws. It's about developing radical self-acceptance - choosing self-compassion and self-celebration over feeling the need to ''fix'' ourselves. Not everyone wants to be a magnetic presence in the outer world, but I have noticed that people who have cultivated an authentic way of being as well as a belief in the support of Universal energies - regardless of whether they are very visible in the outer world, also become powerful magnets for flow and abundance. To be magnetic to Universal energies is to be at one, or integrated with all aspects of self - to feel at peace with being all of who we are, even if it challenges others. Even if we don't wish to be highly visible in the outer world, we can become comfortable with being visible to ourselves and to those closest to us. We can cultivate intimacy and vulnerability with ourselves and others whom we trust.
I won't deny that it is somewhat challenging me to share this many photos of myself in one blog post - even to take these photos of myself on my veranda - wondering what you may think of me for doing so, or what the neighbours might have thought if they saw me. As mentioned, being visible and celebrating self is not very well accepted in our society. A concept with which I have resonated, recently, is that our nervous systems have strong need for safety - we have a biological need to ensure safety by avoiding change and growth. Interestingly, this biological need is opposed to our souls' priority of growth - yet another paradox and challenge for us as humans. Our nervous systems don't like to be shocked into submission, however gently extending our comfort zones, step by step, provides a fertile environment for growth and expansion. Gently challenging ourselves in multiple ways enables us to coax our nervous systems to feel safer with change.
To be integrated - at one with self - to the point that we can exude magnetism, might involve choosing to accept our bodies as they are in this moment, even if there are others who don't deem them to be worthy of acceptance. Similarly, we can choose to accept our ways of being and any other aspects of self that might not be seen as worthy to be expressed, developed or celebrated. It is no accident that we are here, on this planet, at this time. All aspects of ourselves are worthy by virtue of us being here. We have parts to play, whether visible or invisible. We are not ''good'' or ''bad'' or ''right'' or ''wrong'', and we are not required to engage with self-development or Spiritual practice. However, by doing so, we experience the natural consequences of that engagement and the subsequent growth - we experience expansion of self which enables us to be more, to do more, and to understand more. When we broaden our experience, we have the potential to receive more joy, abundance, connection and peace.
Can you look with appreciation at yourself in the mirror or spend time with your naked body without discomfort? Can you listen to your voice on a recording or watch a video of yourself without embarrassment? Can you write down your innermost thoughts and feelings and read them back to yourself without shame? Can you share them with another? Are you okay with making mistakes or being wrong, and are you okay with other people knowing about it? Can you speak your full truth, calmly and clearly, assert appropriate boundaries, and graciously give and receive compliments? Can you sing or dance, alone, or with others watching? Do you feel that it is okay to express sensuality while doing so? Is it okay to take up that much space - to be that visible? This is the work we must do - with self-care and nurturance of our nervous systems and at our own pace, if we wish to develop a magnetic presence in the world.
I am excited about the next step in my expansion, which I am navigating with self-care and respect for my nervous system and any trepidation I might have. In August, I am attending a Spiritual event in New York. It will be a short trip, but my first overseas trip for ten years. It will also be sixteen years since I have travelled to New York. It is difficult to believe that so much time has passed, and also, that I made my way around the US and Europe in my twenties with ease and very little fear. This trip feels very much in alignment, and the money I need to fund it is coming into my life with nice flow. Because I have significant experience of travel, this is gentle expansion for me. Attending the event, in another country where I know no one, could be challenging. It feels exciting, however, and I don't anticipate feeling awkward. I know, now, that I can feel at one within myself, that I can hold myself in the space and in a large group, and that I can assert boundaries and calmly speak my truth. I expect to be noticed and I am not afraid to be seen. I embrace feeling vulnerable as one of the most meaningful ways I connect with others. I see myself as magnetic, and through my example, I invite others to do the same.
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