Should emotions be welcomed on the Spiritual journey? How much should we care?
When I was in Barcelona, I discovered that my cousin's daughter had read my first book, ''Life's too short to drink green tea", and had written a review for it on Goodreads. This was a lovely surprise - I had no idea the review was there, and she had made interesting comparisons between my book and another book she had read - ''The subtle art of not giving a f*ck''. In mentioning this, I am not attempting to be provocative or disparaging the book, as I haven't read it - and I'm sure there is much merit in it. I think she was implying, however, after reading my book, that she agreed with me that perhaps ''the art of caring'' was of greater value than ''the art of not giving a f*ck" - perhaps ''the art of caring'' was, in fact, the best that life has to offer.
Some streams of new age Spirituality refer to terms such as ''detachment'', ''non-attachment'' and ''neutrality'', which can be confusing for people who are on a Spiritual path. To me, it's not the terms but rather our interpretation of them that might be problematic. Spirituality should be a lived experience - encapsulating all of life, and I believe that those Spiritual teachers who view their everyday human lives through a Spiritual lens are the most relevant to us today. I believe Spiritual connection should provide a sense of harmony within ourselves, a desire for quality connection with others, a recognition of ourselves as a part of a greater whole, and the motivation to contribute to that whole through the use of our unique gifts and abilities. This includes the recognition of ourselves as Spiritual beings having a multifaceted human experience, rather than human beings having Spiritual experiences that are adjunct to our everyday human lives.
To release attachment is to strive to let go of being attached to particular outcomes and to trust in higher energies to support our human journey. When we recognise that our human minds are limited and we learn to tune-in to our higher self or to Source for guidance, we realise that the path that is being carved out for our human self is far more aligned than the one we think we want to travel on. Rather than using the word ''detachment'', we could use the words ''trust'', ''faith'' or ''belief''. Detachment and neutrality can also be attributed to the idea that we should remain focused on our own life and maintain a ''high vibration'' rather than allow our emotions to be affected by those around us or by events in the world. Balance is required here, as we need to prioritise our health and wellbeing while we engage with others. I do believe protective boundaries are needed, and that we should also protect ourselves from becoming too entangled in emotional reactions to events that we can't control, particularly if this means that we begin to lose faith or belief.
A few years ago, my team and I settled a roomful of babies and their families into the centre I was working in. When, at the beginning of the following year, it came time to hand them over to the educators in the toddler room, it was a difficult transition for them - they had been used to a lot of loving attention. I visited the new room to check on how they were doing and found myself sitting on the floor surrounded by distressed, crying toddlers, without enough arms to hold them all. A little boy, the happiest child I had known, who I'm almost positive I had never seen cry, sat in my lap crying as if his little heart was breaking. Mine broke in that moment. There were a couple of parents there, and I was concerned that showing emotion in front of them was unprofessional, but I couldn't help it. Distressed themselves, I was told later that they said, ''At least Penny cares''.
Imagine if we didn't care about people or events in the world and just focused on our own lives and how we could progress or achieve. We would probably be isolated, lonely and friendless, as not expressing care for others might mean that we wouldn't receive it from others. We would miss out on the beauty of profound connection if we didn't care about what others were experiencing. In maintaining a ''high vibration'' within ourselves - which is seen as a state of joy and appreciation without connecting with so-called negative emotions such as fear, anger, disappointment, grief, sadness, etc., we bypass our true emotions rather than acknowledging and experiencing them. Fortunately, Spiritual bypassing is giving way to catch phrases such as ''you have to feel it to heal it'', as we are now understanding the vital importance of connecting with our emotions in order to move through trauma and release stuck patterns.
I strongly feel that a gentle approach to healing is the most effective, as it’s important that we don’t add trauma to any existing trauma that we or others have experienced. The week-long retreat that I attended in Montserrat and Barcelona was in no way set up to induce emotion or force healing for anyone. Events such as these, however, can be a safe space for emotion to be expressed and for healing to occur, if it is needed in that moment and if the timing is supportive for each individual. The sessions involved reflection, meditation and journaling, with the aim of communing with ancient goddess wisdom and ancestral healing of the mother line. Knowing that Divine feminine embodiment and expression were central to this retreat, I knew that I would be surrounded by human goddesses who were innately connected to these knowledges and this type of embodiment.
Because of the supportive space we were in, where emotions were welcomed and healing was facilitated, during the sessions and excursions with Rebecca Campbell, and during the in-between times when we connected with one another, some of the women experienced profound emotional releases. In no moment did I view these women who expressed emotion as weak - they were some of the strongest women I have ever known. One morning, while we were in meditation in a session with Rebecca, one of the women who I had been sitting with during lunch the previous day, sobbed audibly throughout the session. I wondered whether she was releasing grief long held by the women in her ancestral line, or whether deep pain from experiences in her own life was being activated in that moment. Distracted by her grief and unable to connect to the meditation, I wanted only to be able to comfort her as she cried. When the session ended, she walked over to me, held out her arms, and hugged me for a long time. I said, ''I wanted to hold you through that'', and she said, ''I know. I felt you''. I also cried in that moment and during every one of the seven days of the retreat - mostly in overwhelm and gratitude for the experiences and connections I was having. How, in a room of 40-something women, most of whom were probably empaths, did she feel such a strong compassion from and connection with me? It felt like another miracle - an experience of magic.
Sometimes, because of our Spiritual and societal programming, our mind interferes and tells us that we've ''felt enough''. In the days before my trip to Europe, when I thought I would be just preparing and packing my belongings, I had a dinner with some friends at the island which turned into a post-midnight healing session - the most intense example of emotional release that I had witnessed in another. My healing happened during the two days following the session, where several times, acute grief rose up within my body for release. During the session, my friend had said that she thought she had already felt enough - she didn't think she needed to feel any more. The same had happened for me - several years ago, I had told myself the same story - that enough emotion had been spent, and it was time to move on with my life and make it a positive experience. We had to laugh, knowing it was our human mind that was saying this. We acknowledged that sometimes in the moment, for survival and wellbeing, it is best that we allow ourselves to experience happier emotions, however for long-term healing, we must allow emotions to be fully felt when they re-appear.
Yes, sometimes we can choose whether or not to feel emotions in the moment, however I have learned that emotions are not ''positive'' or ''negative'', or even a choice - they just are. Emotions are energy, and energy cannot be destroyed - it must be transmuted. Emotions that go unexpressed will re-emerge when they are triggered by situations or people in our lives. Sadness might even re-emerge as anger, or anger as grief. Emotions that have been suppressed might re-emerge in ways that are less socially acceptable, or in ways that might hurt others. Rather than resisting our emotions, the healthiest path is to feel or even to lean into them as they arise. Let your heart and your body, rather than your mind, tell you when they have been fully expressed. My friend reminded me that when emotions come back around, years later, although you might feel that you are back in the centre of the painful situation, you are not. Rather, these are additional layers of healing that need to happen. You will find, after leaning in and feeling them in all their depth - and yes, their beauty, they will usually quickly pass and you will feel as you did, but lighter, than before.
We can hold space for others and for events in the world without being consumed by fear or negativity in relation to them. If we chose not to care, we would be releasing the most beautiful part of what it is to be human - to have compassion and to love - to share and transmute some of the pain that others are experiencing in order to help them to heal. This is my favourite of the images I co-created last night for the wildfires in California. Visualising pearls for healing and sending energy to the pearls can assist us to feel empowered rather than afraid. If you feel inspired, please send energy to this pearl for healing and comfort for the places and people affected by these fires.
This week, I made some simple resources to teach children about energy healing and the healing power of the pearls - these can be accessed from my Teachers Pay Teachers Store: Pearls for a Happy World (Preschool/Pre-K to 1st Grade) by Café Teacher
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